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miserableoldblogaf

by bev steel

aka @miserableoldhagaf

I'm an artist, performer, actor, event planner, and most importantly a hair salon receptionist. Below you can read all about my adventures pursuing entertainment and living life in Los Angeles. This blog is for people who finished Daisy Jones and The Six and are looking for something to do with their time.

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Here I am again, sitting across from the front window of the salon staring out at Ventura Boulevard. A helicopter circles, an older woman in athleisure and prada sunglasses crosses the street, my bosses wear matching new balances, TV Girl's 'Lover's Rock' plays through the surround sound..... Ahhhh Los Angeleez....

I've been reluctant to update my blog. Last time, my mom sent me screenshots correcting my grammar, with red circles and the whole bit. Wel, Gues wat mom;? ths time I'm takng thi$, shit seesusly/Q!!

I have so many things I'd like to write about. That's my problem, my brain is always setting ten little internal fires and then panicking about how to put them out. I'm behind in class - I have to take care of this - Okay I'll do that tomorrow at 3 - BUT WHAT About WORK? My boss wants me to - Okay okay I'll tell her - Wait my car is a piece of shit - okay So I'll - wait - and - blah blah blah. You catch my drift. Last night I listened to a sleep meditation. God, I haven't meditated in while, I was really rusty.

I spend all this time in acting school "releasing tension," "staying grounded," "BREATHING," and I swear, in the moment I feel very mindful about it all, but the only occasion I truly feel like I can extend the time between my thoughts and be legitimately present in, is when I'm actually acting. I haven't found myself feeling that way while meditating or warming up or singing or performing in other capacities for quite a while. The show that I'm currently in is reminding me that there is no other kind of presence as captivating and interesting on stage as an actor who is actually '''living truthfully under imaginary circumstances''' - it's a very meditative thing. The same thing happens to me when I'm meditating that I try my best to avoid while acting: that "god I am so present right now" internal monologue, "im so fucking good at meditating i'm like totally at peace right now," = "wow I'm really in character right now/im totally doing what my character would do in this moment." Dumbest shit ever... I'm like so clear-minded right now? LOL. As I become more aware of this, I allow myself to just live on stage and not 'muscle it.' I let myself observe moment to moment all of the different aspects of the imaginary circumstances as they arise, just as we do constantly and accidentally in real life.

Anyway, those are my musings on acting and presence at the moment. I have to sweep up some clumps of hair now.

Bye bye! Bevy

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Updated: Jan 25

I want to BLOG about music and the scene, and I can't decide where to begin. I've always thought Charlie was a staple of this weird LA music world, so let's start there.


Charlie is tall with a boyish charm, occasionally being followed by a gaggle of starry- eyed early twenty-somethings in pink cowboy hats. He has a tendency to find perhaps the most chaotic women in Los Angeles and become totally entranced by their manic pixie, potentially drug-fueled, mystique.


Charlie is kind of friend that will be one of the handful of people to show up to your (my) play in day event and play the role of an idiot party-animal named Chaz with his whole chest. Last week he offered to pick me up from LAX at 5:00pm on a whim... and if that's not real I don't know what is.


Last June, we hosted a midsummer party at the Chiquita Street house. We had a bunch of friends come over and play. It was a truly magical summer night. It was warm, drinks were flowing, we were all dancing and drawing with sidewalk chalk by the light of the candelabras.


Charlie sat in the bar on my grandpa's old brown leather couch chatting to my mom for a good chunk of the evening. I came into the bar to grab yet another glass of whatever and probably smoke a cigarette with Isaac. I had noticed Charlie throughout the night sitting in corners or by the stage playing my guitar along with the performers, and he sounded good. Upon entering the bar and seeing my Mom appear genuinely interested in what a guy in a Big Lebowski-esque sweater had to say, I was intrigued. Barboo said something like, "Charlie wants to play, he has a great voice!" Drunkenly and having a fabulous time, I put him on this list.


Charlie played... and we all danced a little harder. His music is fun, soulful, and folky. I've watched him shamelessly cry while serenading our friends. As an actor, I'm always suspect of a single tear rolling down a cheek, but Charlie has always come across completely earnest in his art and in our friendship.


Oh, and he's playing the viper room lounge on January 19th at 8pm following our buddy Sandalwood's album release at 7pm on the main stage. You can buy tix for Charlie's show here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/charlie-moon-at-the-viper-room-tickets-789606342827


That's all for now.


Love,

Bevy


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I woke up feeling really good today.


Yes, I am aware of all of (a fraction of) the horrific stuff going on in the world. I'll be sure to post an infographic later. I have a cold; yesterday was my peak feeling-like-shit day. Today I woke up and inhaled through BOTH of my nostrils. Isaac made me some very strong coffee and drove me back to my place where I got ready for work. Now here I am, in my silly little outfit at the front desk of the salon. The slight improvement in my health is reminding me to count my blessings.


side note: so far, my new years resolution to dress like helena bonham carter as much as possible is going swimmingly. side side note: perhaps I should change my resolution to dress like MYSELF as much as possible because I fear that's really what's going on here.


On my way to work I drove past the billboard on the corner of Ventura and Woodman. Two billboards ago was Shanola Hampton (V from Shameless) starring in some crime drama, the last one was the blonde chick with the high voice from Big Bang Theory doing a game show. The new one is Law and Order SVU - a giant Mariska Hargitay surrounded by a gold light over a black background. Lately, I've been thinking about fame and billboards and things of this nature. Last night Isaac and I watched Xmen, the one with J-Law (not that I've seen any of the other ones).


Often when I watch big blockbuster movies I feel entirely discouraged about my future as an actor. Of course coming from me, a midsized white blonde girl, maybe it sounds a bit stupid that I feel underrepresented. Still, I look at those girls and think - I'll NEVER look like that. They'll NEVER put ME in the PICTURES! When I tell this to my therapist she says things like, "everybody looks different..." "Not all of those women are twigs..." "Hard work is more important." Yeah, thanks.... Sigh.


After this part of the cycle I move into phase two, considering that if I work hard enough and give the most shits of all then that's what will propel me towards my dreams.


Then I consider scientology.


Finally, I say fuck it and just try to appreciate the fact I can breathe through both nostrils.

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